Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
