I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
