We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
