We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
