Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
handjob tips. give me some.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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