She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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