lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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