i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
