you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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