4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
