I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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