My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
