We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
