its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
