Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
