No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
