shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
