wat bout pragnant strippers??
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
