I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
