The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
