my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
