I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
