Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
