Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
