dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
