Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
