I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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