You're completely useless in the revolution.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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