Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
