You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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