now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Randomize
