Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
