the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
