All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
