and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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