he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
