just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
