Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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