I wish my penis had an off switch
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
