Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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