I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
