the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
