I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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