She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
