just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
