So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
