My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
