Man, jail baloney is awful.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
FUCK WHALES
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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