I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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