But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
