yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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