Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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