I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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